humbling...

Dictionary.com makes use of serveral uses of the word humbling
I chose the 8th listed (8. to make meek: to humble one's heart. )

I Feel that being humbled is not a bad thing. It creates perspective. Inward perspective that can dramaticaly change how and what is felt by a person in a very short amount of time. Much like a stunt car pulling a 180-degree turn at one-hundred twenty miles per hour. It may not be so dramatic as that, my feelings never leave the sound of screeching tires, and thick white smoke rising from slick tire marks on the ground, but I can hope it leaves an impression for me to look back at and keep the perspective it caused me to see.

Recently I feel humbled much more than I ever have. I don't know if this is based on personal changes or if the overal quality of people I have been interacting with lately could be considered more or less. I know that I have been humbled by friends and aquaintences alike , and resently my own actions have caused me to have a moment of clarity which lead to me feeling as if I had made an agreigous error that though I know wouldn't phase anyone still makes me feel as if it is a wrong that needs be righted.

My memory is probably one of the best of people I know...when I'm sober. I tend to drink a bit get tired and remember bits and pieces of those moments. And recently I thought an individual whom I actually find to be likable had said what I perceived to be some very passive aggressive comments about what I thought was myself. I made a passive aggressive comment back in the same medium and then confronted him in person. He was confused which started the synapses firing. About two hours later I had to stop in my tracks, because I knew I was in the wrong.
My feeble attempt at apology was probably taken for my normal aloof ramblings, and though I wanted to make a sincere apology ,the first one had to suffice. I don't think he was bothered by it much anyway, he let it slide right off.

So I guess, I was humbled by my own foolish behavior but also by the greater actions and mentality of an acquaintance. Perhaps this is a lesson in many things, I would say patience, forgiveness, and friendship chief amongst them.

I'm also trying to say that though I really do write this for myself, ff you can learn from my mistakes then someday you may become one wise grasshoppa.

I'm not very keen on the Holidays, but have a great Thanksgiving. And while you sit around and eat with your family, friends, and or strangers, keep in mind that though this Holiday is steeped in both betrayal and blood it is also a great time to reflect and be with the people you love or at least to give to those less fortunate than yourself. If you have extra time tommorow night donate it to a good cause.

Thanks for reading
JollyMisery