So.

once again , I find myself treading water in the ocean created by my own madness and action.
Yet this time it is different. Today I feel I know myself much better than I ever have.
This is good, because before I didn't know I was a lovable asshole...it was more of a feeling until recently.
However with all the life and ego affirmation I let things slip, school, child support, my bills. Basically I'm knee deep in a shit sammich and I'm a bite away from being digested...
However I have options. I have options that keep me here in the cities,and one I've been wanting for a long time, which happens to be the chance to get the fuck out of here and start life elsewhere.
Now I really, really,really fucking want to get the fuck out of dodge. It's been a long time coming and I really feel the call man. But I am a smart man, I am observant, and recently I watched a friend of mine choose a similar choice only his was less of a permanent kind of thing. I learned that what you want can break what you have. and what you have can break what you want. It's a catch 22, but my ancestors blood courses through my veins and they were all traveling adventurers, at least the ones I see in my head are and who am I to call myself crazy?
Basically I'm saying I'm out of here in a few months. I don't know if I'll be back. I'm really quite scared. So to the few people who read this and are friends...I need some guidance and I welcome yours.

Naked Party.

So yeah I went to a naked hippy party last night. There was no sex, just naked people chillin out. Being naked around others in a non-sexual way is quite awesome. In the future I will be a nudist.

If I were to start walking, would I ever stop?

if I were to start walking woould I ever stop.
I turned my back on you but your blue eyes shine off of every source of light.
II started this journey in the hopes of making it to the top.
But when I think of you my momentum stops.

To be fair I never wanted to love you but I digress
to make a joke now would be apropriate, yet when you smile its if it's already been said.
Yet the fire burns in my heart and tells me to burn it all till the ashes blow away.
and yet there are your blue eyes staring back at me from the flames now long cold,

I know my tempos off and my voice is flat but you never wanted it any other way.
To you I was the world and to me you were the oceans whose bounty I took for granted
Now my heart beats hots with a the torch that has not path to light but back home,
My feet struggle to maintain the step step pattern that always drove me on.

Now I'm stuck in limbo, the fire has spread and now nothing left but ashes and dreams,
The wind carries back to me your voice in the rain, your spirit to drench the fire,
But alas I am still ost and have not your hand to guide me back but if I follow the ashes
back to the source I'd find you there tugging on my heart strings making music for me to follow home.