In order.

I was diagnosed with "Attention-Deficit Hyper Activity" disorder. Sometime soon after that they added anxiety and depression.

I know that after the 80's crack-addled ADD kid boom no one gives a shit and thinks that these two disorders are BS. For a long time I thought ADHD just made me hyper but then I started hearing of other symptoms...like the following I found on webmd.com( http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-adults)



The following behaviors and problems may stem directly from ADHD or may be the result of related adjustment difficulties:

Chronic lateness and forgetfulness.
Anxiety.
Low self-esteem.
Employment problems.

Difficulty controlling anger.
Impulsiveness.
Substance abuse or addiction.
Poor organization skills. Procrastination.
Low frustration tolerance.
Chronic boredom.
Difficulty concentrating when reading.
Mood swings.
Depression
Relationship problems.
These behaviors may be mild to severe and can vary with the situation or be present all of the time. Some adults with ADHD may be able to concentrate if they are interested in or excited about what they are doing. Others may have difficulty focusing under any circumstances. Some adults look for stimulation, but others avoid it. In addition, adults with ADHD can be withdrawn and antisocial, or they can be overly social and unable to be alone.

(http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-causes

In some cases, though, there is no genetic link to ADHD. Nevertheless, this common behavior disorder is still diagnosed in children whose mothers smoked or drank alcohol during pregnancy. It's also diagnosed in children whose mothers had difficult pregnancies.)

So for a while I myself thought adhd was bullshit and then I read more and more about it. Especially the parts about problems with inter-personal relationships and employment and It makes me take a mental look at my childhood, and the present , and then I think about the future. I see my past that was riddled with prescription stimulants and anti-depressants, lots of time spent under the scrutiny of authority. I see my current self, disillusioned,lonely, and probably about as useful to society as tall grass. I think of the future, what's possible, what's likely, why. I see a lot of negative events, catch-22's,moments of horrible luck, and unmentionable consequences. I also catch some positives, smiles, warm moments shared or experienced alone. But just not enough to really deal with all the bullshit. And I unfortunately am a bullshit electro-magnet... Or maybe I'm just living in one.