I...

Want to be successful in everything I do.

I want to make 500 thousand dollars a year.

I want to be a better father.

I want to be more active.

I want to drive fast cars competitively...a 600 hp Subaru wouldn't be too shabby.

I want to Find a Honda Lock Assembly tomorrow when I check the junk yard.

I want to make new friends and see the ones I already have...Hint Hint mother-fuckers!

I want my own Solar powered passenger jet.

I want to write some good humorous material.

I want to upper deck a golden toilet in a palace somewhere...hopefully the whole room would be gold... someone should draw this out for me,if only for memories I'll never have.

I want 12 wives...I dunno why 12 but it sounds pretty manly...but not as manly as my all volunteer female harem...someday...someday.

I want to write more.

I want to draw myself upper-decking a golden toilet in a golden room in a palace somewhere...

I want to find an appropriate substitute for my ellipses.

I want to get rid of my reliance of spell check.

I want to feel good 85% of the time.

I want many Intelligent,funny and beautiful women to read this and email me, making me laugh and blush.

I want Obama to stop letting rotten politics stop him from doing his job.

I want to exit Earth's Gravity before I am 45 years old.

I want to eat the 22 pound hamburger.

I want to create music you can feel.

2 weeks in.

I think I need some vitamin d and some vitamin k. Not really the suns been out quite a bit since I've been here...but some things I miss (now in list form:new and fucking improved);

1.A certain someone who calls me fuzzy bear.

2.My daughter, my friends and my cats whom I think of as little slightly retarded and more vindictive friends.

3.My car (being able to get places I actually want to go.)

4.My guitar.

5. The Monday Night Comedy Show http://www.mondaynightcomedyshow.com/

6.Mainstreet Bar and Grille...

7.My bed....this should be number one but I didn't want to look like a dick :)

some things I don't miss.

1.Living with my mom (no offense to you ma but you crazy).

2.not having anything productive to do.

3.not having home cooked meals 3 times a day.

4.not being able to see the mountains.

So as it stands there is something bothering me... Those who know me well know I'm not spiritual or religious,but what many don't know

is that I've been having premonitions since I was a kid. Not often mind you and so far it hasn't been about anything important, more like

being chosen to get the green craft kit for the weekend when I was in kindergarten and then getting it two days later.

Predicting the winner of a "Win Ben Stein's Money" episode while I was taking a nap, and then my trip here to Washington.

Which was about the darkest one I've had . Though Many aspects of my premonition are coming true they have been the positive aspects;

Meeting people, the mountains,the shows...now the darker aspects have yet to fall into play but I'm worried because there were many

aspects to this premonition,I actually saw it three times with different outcomes but they all ended with "Don't go to Washington"

And now experiencing it all and having such strong Deja' Vu my anxieties are acting up like a sunuvabitch.I think it's crazy to believe in it.

I think I'm crazy...like maybe I'm still in the throes of an acid trip and at the end of it all I'll wake up to electro-shock therapy or something equally shitty.

I'm not giving up hope though,things are going well, some things to have not come true yet include getting pulled over without a valid WDL (Washington drivers license)

, a brutal cold snap (could still happen it's winter) and My uncle going ballistic on me. So I dunno what's in store with complete certainty, but If I die from an ear infection

or hurt my back real bad I'll know I'm psychic...what a way to find out...oh also this premonition came to me over two years ago, fuck me dead right?

anyway I've been shooting footage of the shows I've helped with.Taking some Photos and I like it all so far.

Jittery.

So this nervousness is all too familiar. Every time I pack it up I start out gung ho and set out a nervous wreck. It's good to recognize it, and in the end I value my courage to cast off when my legs want to move the least. One in front of the other is the key.

I have felt so stagnant the last few years, unable to shake this feeling of my life ending on such a boring note. I think this exact feeling may have been what drove ancient people out of their grass huts and into the fresh and new. However, what drives me nuts is the knowledge that on any given day I have 100 fold more things to do that entertain me and all without ferocious lion-bear-mammoths trying to fuck up my performance. Yet I have this hole in the pit of my stomach, it pulsates and reminds me that somethings missing. It's not, money,family,friends, or material things...the hole is me not living up to my potential. I may be naive but I after a lifetime of trying here I feel that perhaps the train isn't stopping for me here in The Twin Cities. I feel the plane took off and the airport was shut down for good, the bud departed and the station closed it's doors to the public. I don't like feeling as if I've missed out on my opportunities but everyday I feel more and more of them slip away from me, right out of my own two hands.

No longer will I sit idly back and watch life hand fortune and adventure to those willing to step forth out of line, no I will redraw the line in my favor.I will cheat a bit if I have too...I just consider this outsmarting my opponents. It's not my fault I can count better...don't play poker with me,unless you want me to have your money...second thought playing poker with me is good.

Next Friday. 6 days from now I board a plane. I take a fraction of my possessions (mostly clothes) and I fly off into destiny...or in the very least I land and start collecting stories to regale my friends if and or when I return. Also I will photograph the ocean, sexually. Jokes help me prepare mentally. Jokes are how I have handled many of the great unknowns. Though Jokes don't help you when your psychedelic trip gets out of hand, they don't stop fists or elbows, they don't prevent death. Jokes just set me at ease as all these negative things pummel my brain, they stop the torment for a split second, they make me smile and laugh amidst the screams and howls bellowing forth from the inner most reaches of battered mind.

A heavybag and some boxing gloves wouldn't hurt right now either...but all I have is a bowflex.I better get on it.